top of page

Planning for postpartum help: how to, when to and how to not feel bad about it.

empoweringyoudoula

Most people who love you truly do want to help when you bring that newborn baby home. Some of these people, although very well-intentioned, might not know how to help. They'll say things like "let me know if you need anything" or "call me if you need help". And while these sentiments are usually said out of a loving heart, it's not usually all that helpful.

Because let's be real, who DOESN'T need help at one point or another during the postpartum period? Especially the first few months. And it doesn't matter if you're a first time parent or a seasoned parent. You still need to heal and recover. You still brought a new freaking life into the world. You still need to adjust. Your family will still need to adjust. Just because you had a baby doesn't mean that the dishes don't need to be done, the dog doesn't need to be walked, no one else in your house needs to eat and your floors will never be dirty again.


False.


The world still goes on, your house will still need to be tended to and everyone needs to eat. So do your future postpartum self a favor and create a list during pregnancy, that you can give people who are going to want to help! I'm serious. That way, no one has to wonder what to do or what would be helpful to you. And they can ACTUALLY be helpful.


I tell all of my clients to create a list of a handful of things that would be helpful to them. Then GIVE the list to their family members and close friends who are going to want to be involved and help when your sweet baby arrives home.


You can present it as "Hey, I know we're going to need some help when our baby comes home and I'm going to want to focus on healing and bonding with our new baby. Can I give you this list of things that would be helpful to us? That way it's one less thing I have to think about and we can depend on the people who love us the most to support us!"



Ideas for "the helpful list":

  • Walking the dog

  • Doing the dishes

  • Washing bottles/pump parts

  • Folding laundry

  • Bringing a meal

  • Sweeping/vacuuming

  • Restocking bathrooms

  • Taking older kids to the park

  • Putting toys away

  • Bringing over diapers/wipes


9 times out of 10, these people are NOT put off by this approach. If anything, they feel honored that you would think of them and want them to be involved! So, if you're tempted to feel bad...don't. Most of the people you would think to give the list to WANT to help anyway. It's 100% okay to let them.


Peace,

Nicole (doula)


Ps. If visitors holding your baby is not helpful to you, create a boundary. If you aren't ready to share or allowing others to hold your baby produces anxiety in you, then they don't get to hold the baby. It doesn't matter if they traveled far. It doesn't matter if they're the grandparent. It doesn't matter if they did all of your laundry and mopped your kitchen floor. If YOU aren't comfortable with them holding your baby, then they don't get to hold the baby. You can create boundaries that work for you, and you don't have to feel bad about it.


Comments


NEW_edited.jpg

empoweringyoudoula@gmail.com​

(248) 961-7304

Southeast Michigan/Metro Detroit Doula 

Certified Birth and Postpartum Doula 

Childbirth Educator

Photographer

Certified Lactation Specialist

Oakland County, Lapeer County,

Macomb County, Livingston County, Wayne County

Genessee County, Washtenaw County

  • Facebook
  • Instagram

Oxford, Lake Orion, Lapeer, Metamora, Brandon Township, Ortonville, Clarkston, Auburn Hills, Rochester Hills, Rochester, Waterford, Pontiac, White Lake, Holly, Milford, Commerce, Walled Lake, Keego Harbor, Bloomfield, Bloomfield Hills, West Bloomfield, Orchard Lake, Birmingham, Troy, Franklin, Beverly Hills, Berkley, Royal Oak, Southfield, Ferndale, Madison Heights, Oak Park, Hazel Park, Farmington, Farmington Hills, Novi, Oakland Township, Armada, Romeo, Imlay City, Richmond, Washington Township, Macomb, Shelby, Shelby Township, Sterling Heights, Utica, Chesterfield, Redford, Highland Park, Hamtramck, Ann Arbor, Brighton, Howell, Whitmore Lake, Dryden, Hadley, Burnside, Lapeer, Columbiaville, Attica, Davison, Grand Blanc

bottom of page